What Does the Seashell Hear? II

Posted on Fri May 3rd, 2024 @ 3:13am by Lieutenant Commander Lyra Cassiel & Lieutenant Commander Andrei Petrov

Mission: In-Between (S1:E7-S1:E8)
Location: Holodeck 1
Timeline: Date 2371-10-12 at 1900
5569 words - 11.1 OF Standard Post Measure

“Alright, darling.” She placed her hands on his sides and leaned up to steal a kiss from his lips. She didn’t press him to join her as she imagined there had to be a reason he would send her alone in the first place. She parted from him then and turned to move up to the path above the beach so the walk back to the small palace would be faster.

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Lyra entered the palace doors and paused in the mudroom to brush the sand from her feet and legs. She didn’t have to of course given it was the holodeck, but even after so many years it was a force of habit. She was met by a servant who led her upstairs to one of the sitting rooms with a view of the sea. On the coffee table there, she saw dark red dress boxes set up for her and couldn’t help but smile as she walked over to them. He could be very thoughtful when he wanted to be - and she found that was relatively often with her. Of course things weren’t perfect even if they pretended to be more often than not, but there was no such thing as a perfect relationship; to believe otherwise would have been naive.

She bent to open the first box on the left and pulled back the protective sheets of paper covering the dress inside. What had been a curious expression once again turned into a smile. It was a pale but bright yellow covered in darker gold and white flowers with their leaves, a skirt that hit just above the knee, and completed by a halter top with a tied bow detail around the waist. Cheerful and flirtatious, it wasn’t her usual look, but it was still a look she would sport from time to time when the occasion called for it. She pulled the dress up and held it up against her body with one hand on her chest and the other taking hold of the skirt to spread it out and test how light it was. Feeling a bit playful, she started to spin around but stopped after a quarter of a turn as her eyes fell on the wall she had ended up facing.

The dress nearly fluttered out of her hands, but she caught herself and put it down on the couch. She walked over to the wall that was covered in picture frames but her steps slowed as she realized exactly what was displayed in them. They were snapshots of her life before - her life as herself when she was a little girl. She was in most of them - but not all. The one who was in every single one was her papai. The sudden tightness in her chest and burning in her throat made her very glad that Andrei wasn’t there with her after all. She hesitated on the spot, but eventually finished taking the last few feet so she was up close with the pictures.

Renato Inácio Hale had been a devastatingly handsome man. He had been tall and fit with a swimmer’s build more than one for brute strength. His features were defined and he had a chiseled jaw with full lips and a short, well groomed full beard that always had sharp lines and never looked messy in the slightest. His hair was black and he wore it with a neat haircut that was kept short on the sides but just long enough on the top to hint at the curls he had in his hair. The man’s most striking feature was his eyes - a beautiful and clear jade green framed by long dark lashes. Lyra had gotten the upturned almond shape and lashes, but her brother had gotten the color, something of which she had always been extremely jealous. The truth was Lyra disliked her own eyes; had she thought about it she maybe would have asked Brasken to change them. They were beautiful, dark, and terribly boring. There was nothing memorable about brown eyes - though perhaps Christoph would disagree.

She closed those boring brown eyes of hers and took solace in the jealousy and anger, but it wasn’t to last. Perhaps she should have just left and closed herself from the feelings and memories, but something compelled her to stay. Defiance of what she had been trained to do? Genuine desire to remember and think of what was and may have been? Not wanting to spoil this thoughtful display Andrei had given her? She couldn’t be sure, but perhaps it was a bit of all three and more.

Slowly her eyes opened again and she let out an unconscious sigh as she began to look at the pictures. It took only a few seconds for the tightness in her chest and burn in her throat to return and she began to clench her jaw and grind her teeth to keep the feelings contained. She started at the earliest photos at the end. The first was one she had seen before from publications in Brazil on the day of her birth where her mother and father had presented her to the public for the photograph. Renato was smiling and waving with one hand while the other was on Aurelia’s lower back. Aurelia of course was cradling Lyra in both arms and could only manage the small strained smile of a very disappointed woman; of course everyone accepted that Aurelia had just been exhausted, but they knew the truth. Lyra wasn’t a boy and Aurelia had felt like a failure as any woman of position would. Renato for his part had only ever seemed enamored with his little girl.

She looked at the next few pictures; a few were carefully curated glimpses into her home life but most were of official public appearances. Aurelia’s smile grew more with each passing image that she held her daughter though there was never any joy in the expression. Whenever Renato was holding her though, she could see the love her father had for her. There weren’t too many pictures between the first appearance and then another near identical photo from the first. This time, Lyra was nearly three and dressed in a pretty pink dress and was being held up by her father who was grinning and waving with his other hand while Lyra too was waving and smiling without a care in the world. Next to them, Aurelia was also smiling triumphantly, waving energetically to the crowd as she cradled her son in one arm.

More pictures followed, most of which she didn’t remember because she had simply been too young, but she did eventually come to an area where vague memories began to appear. Horseback riding, swimming, court appearances, dancing, fun and games… there were even some pictures of her with their beloved imperial cousins where she was holding hands with Giana. The tightness in her chest had eventually gone away… at least she thought so. The truth was she was feeling rather numb. What she had noticed as she went through the years was the increasing distance her parents seemed to have from each other. Standing back and observing it as she was, she wondered if it had to do with how Aurelia clearly favored Raoul over Lyra while it seemed strangely opposite for Renato. Lyra knew her papai had adored her brother just as much, but in hindsight he had seemed to dote on her more… likely because Aurelia did not.

It was strange looking at her young life lined up like this and to see herself becoming more active in court life as the daughter of a lord. She finally came to the last picture and stopped before it, staring at it in silence. It was a picture that had been taken not a week before her father had been murdered, a close up shot of the two of them hugging each other, their faces smudged with sand and their grins were so bright and loving. They were wet having just come out of the sea from swimming, one of their favorite activities to do. She pulled the picture off of the wall and continued to just look at the faces long gone from the world. Suddenly, she threw the picture hard at the wall which knocked several others down, and then she proceeded to rip and smash the rest that had remained. She yelled at nothing, simply a pure expression of her rage and pain she kept so carefully contained. With the safety protocols on, she wasn’t hurt by the shattering glass no matter what she did, and there was a part of her that hated that fact. Eventually, she stood there panting not from actual exertion, but simply from the intensity of her feelings; Andrei’s gift laid in ruins at her feet. Suddenly, she fell to her knees in the glass that refused to hurt her, calmed again but intensely sad.

As if by fate, in front of her was the last picture she had been looking at, and she picked it up in her hand again. This time, she gave a heavy sigh and shifted her body to place her back against the wall, not caring she was sitting in the mess. She remained just like that for a moment, her thumb running over Renato’s face in the broken frame.

“I’ve thought about you more in the past few months than I have in years now that I have this face again.” She reached up and touched her own cheek and sighed again. “I look like your daughter, but the truth is she’s been dead almost as long as you have.”

She focused in on her younger face and continued quietly. “She tried so hard to not forget and to keep the lessons you taught her, but she was just a little girl and her papai wasn’t there to protect her anymore. So she died… afraid, in agony, and wearing a face she didn’t even recognize anymore.”

Lyra paused then and tilted her head back against the wall, closing her eyes and not bothering to attend to the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. “I really hope she is with you in Elysium… that you still swim together and you let her dance on your shoes because she can’t quite reach otherwise… I grew out of that by the way… by a lot. It’s actually kind of terrible.”

She laughed and then sniffled, her expression becoming actively pained. “You know, I couldn’t even bring myself to use your name again. I know I’m your daughter, but there’s nothing left of you in me. Mother and father took it all… it felt wrong to say you were a part of what I am now. I guess you are in a way though, your mistakes taught me lessons.”

Suddenly, she sighed. “Damned if I’m not setting myself to repeat them though. I found a man - you’d hate him; he’s nothing of what you would have wanted for your girl… but I’m not that anymore. It all happened so quickly, but neither of us are able to deny the connection we share, but it may doom us both in the end. He uses women to gain power and he enjoys it too much to give it up, I fear. I knew that, though and offered a more agreeable arrangement. He refused it, but I think perhaps he believes that I will tolerate being betrayed in that way in the end. He’s wrong.”

She turned her head to look at the window where she could see the bonfires and area she had left Andrei in. “He does have his virtues though… he’s strong, ambitious, and intelligent. He is devoted to his family and he takes care of me, he wants to protect me. I think - in his way - he does truly love me; it doesn’t look like your love or really any love I have seen, but I can tell. He’s changed quite a bit in the last few months being with me - he’s become more of a man. Maybe he’s one of those boys you told me about that grow up for the right woman. I know I’m certainly that for him. We’ve seen the darkest parts of each other and love them as much as the rest… so maybe you would like him in some way. I don’t know; it doesn’t matter.”

As she “spoke” to her papai, Lyra had calmed down significantly. It was proving to be much more cathartic than she had ever really thought it could be. It wasn’t like she had someone she could pour her heart out to - but why not to the man who would have likely listened to her with true interest and concern if she had? “I did avenge you, Papai. I hope that at least will make you happy on some level even if you don’t like how it came about.”

She smiled ruefully. “But I guess I can tell you about the not so bad parts…”

Lyra continued to quietly speak to the empty room before her. She told the ghost of her papai about her life, even the mundane things and more about Andrei. She of course found herself leaving out the details that a father wouldn’t want to know about his daughter’s relationship with a man like him. After a while, she grew tired of talking and had simply gone quiet and sat there for a little longer. Finally, she took a deep breath.

“Computer, restore picture wall.” The debris around and under her vanished and Andrei’s effort was returned to pristine condition. She pulled herself off the floor and moved not to the dresses but into the bathroom nearby to take care of herself. After putting herself back together and hiding all evidence of her tears, she finally returned and opened the middle box. The dress inside was long and risque, with layers upon layers of different shades of blue fabrics in a soft, filmy material that would most certainly show hints of her skin in certain places. It was a statement piece to be sure with the skirt being so long it had a natural train to it, a plunging neckline down to the navel and back down to the curve of her rear would tantalize the eye.

The dress of the stars was a very dark navy blue fabric. The neckline was a modified sweetheart with streams, and the back was a modest but fashionable v-shape. Over the dark blue base were layers of beautiful black lace glittering with small shining crystals and beads that truly gave the illusion of stars. It was truly beautiful and would again turn the eye with interest. He did so love her in lace, so that would be the one she would wear. She’d kept him waiting long enough, and while she had a lot more to process as far as feelings, she could do that later.

Or just ignore it.

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After Andrei watched her go, he remained standing in the water for several silent minutes, gazing out into the distance of the ocean. He admired the bioluminescent water and enjoyed the warm breeze as he allowed his mind to drift to the moments of his upbringing which most closely related to this one and then followed the lavender path of memory to other closely or loosely related recollections. He found himself thinking about his own family and about the visits they had made all around the world and even to the planets and moons of the Terran system. His mother had traveled more often than most other Ladies representing their husbands, but she never left them behind.

Eventually, once a quiet melancholy had started to come over him, he escaped it and joined a group of young, tan-skinned people sitting around one of the bonfires. They sang songs in Spanish and he listened, but mostly avoided any conversation with the holograms. He would wait and exist in a different life for a few minutes, until Lyra was back.

Lyra had tried not to take too long, but she hadn’t been prepared in the slightest for what Andrei had prepared for her. After taking some time to both dress and compose herself, she had walked back along the boardwalk in the beautiful dark navy dress, holding it up just enough that it wouldn’t catch on any of the boards; it wouldn’t be damaged of course, but it was a surprising force of habit she still had from her youth. Her dark eyes moved over the shore and the waves, searching for her beloved and finally finding his massive form silhouetted by fire. He dwarfed the people around him, and she took just a moment to admire him from afar before she carefully stepped down onto the sand and walked toward him. The sound of a guitar playing a folk melody drifted on the air, and outside the occasional quiet comment or laugh, the people around the fire seemed more content to just listen.

“My darling.” She called softly to him though loud enough to be heard over the ambient noise and music. She stood a few paces away, but nothing he couldn’t cover in roughly three steps if he so chose.

Hearing her voice, Andrei willingly returned from the vivid land of memory and imagination he had gone off to and turned his head to see her. She was wearing the dress of sky and stars, and it made him smile immediately. He stood, walking toward her slowly.

“I’m underdressed now, it seems.” he said, looking her up and down and finding her waist with his hands. “I didn’t think of that.”

Lyra simply chuckled softly as her arms moved up to slide around his broad shoulders. In the back of her mind she reminded herself to remain in control and not show Andrei anything more than a fraction of what she had been feeling in the house. He would just be annoyed by it as all men were. “All of the dresses are beautiful; I had a very hard time choosing between this one and the water dress, but I thought given the time, this one was the most appropriate.”

He looked at the dress and smiled nodding in agreement.

“If you say so, Love. You look radiant.” He said, and then settled on her eyes again. He looked more serious, looking for the feelings most natural to her present situation. “How was your visit to the house?”

Her smile faded but didn’t disappear completely and her arms remained around him. She could see his gaze searching, but she wasn’t sure exactly what he was hoping to see - or perhaps hoping to not. Lyra was very good at hiding her true feelings, her training had seen to that, but she was still human underneath. She might have accused him of delighting in that weakness had he not given her privacy when she went back to the house, but he had. She stepped closer to him, pressing her body to his gently and allowing him to give her the comfort and support of a loving partner.

“It was…” she started and then paused, searching for the right word. Just as he had seen the day before, she seemed to struggle communicating her feelings with words. “It was difficult, but good.”

She knew the answer likely wouldn’t be sufficient on its own, so she tried to figure out how to express more of her feelings without giving too much, but it was hard to ignore the voice of her own mother in the back of her head telling her that she was being a burden. “Bittersweet.”

Andrei nodded as if he had heard enough to understand. He wasn’t the most empathic person, but he was smart enough and connected enough to her to feel some of those complicated feelings for himself. He gave her a squeeze.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked, his mismatched eyes doing a decent job of masking his uncertainty if the slowness and carefulness in his tone didn’t give it away.

Had he been speaking to anyone else, Lyra would have known Andrei was being disingenuous with the question and only asking for appearances. They were so close to each other and she so attentive to his moods and reactions that she could hear a certain hesitance in the cadence and tone of his voice, but she could see a certain resoluteness in his eyes as she looked into them. They were both trying to be good to each other, but it was a foreign concept that they were navigating.

“Not right now.” She replied honestly and touched his cheek. “I’m still… processing it all, but maybe in a little while. Right now I just want you to kiss me.”

“I'm certain I can manage that.” He said with a smile, and then pressed his lips to hers.

Lyra returned his kiss gently, but quite passionately. There were very few people in her life that Lyra had ever been inclined to true gentleness with, but Andrei was one of them. Her body melted into his slightly, obviously seeking the comfort of his strong embrace. Once they had broken the kiss, she turned her head and rested it on his shoulder for a moment, her dark eyes settling on the bonfire next to them while her mind drifted.

Andrei put his arm around her and held her close, feeling the warmth of the fire on his skin. He understood, without more words, that she was affected by what she had experienced in the house. At some point, he would have to learn to prod, but for now he simply took her at her word that she didn’t want to talk about it yet. Leaning over, he kissed her forehead and listened to the soft Mexican guitar music. Several minutes passed in that serene moment before he removed his arm and tapped her leg over her dress.

“Come on.” he said, and stood with her.

Part of her was loathe to leave the peace of the moment, but as he withdrew from her she had opened her eyes and stood with him at his prompting. Truthfully, she had almost forgotten there was a surprise planned for when she had returned.

As they stepped onto the sandy shore, Andrei's arm enveloped Lyra's waist, drawing her close as they strolled along the water's edge. The soft glow of torches and the occasional flicker of bonfires cast dancing shadows across the beach, painting the night with an enchanting allure. Every star in the sky seemed to shine brighter than ever before, twinkling about the water with its bioluminescent plankton.

“For you, and for Papai.” he said in a low voice as he stopped them. “And memories that last forever.”

With a gentle squeeze, Andrei guided Lyra's gaze upward, where bursts of vibrant colors began to blossom against the canvas of the darkened sky. Fireworks erupted in a symphony of light, each explosion a testament to the beauty of the moment they shared. Andrei's eyes sparkled with anticipation as he watched Lyra's reaction, a smile playing at the corners of his lips.

Lyra’s beautiful dark eyes reflected each brilliant burst of color as the fireworks detonated with loud pops and thundering booms above them. Her full lips were parted slightly, and there was a brief glimpse of innocence in the awestruck expression she wore as the corners of her mouth tipped up in a smile. It wasn’t as if fireworks were a novelty given they had been in existence for thousands of years, but there was still just something about the bursting lights and colors that just made people smile. She laughed happily and briefly looked at Andrei though was quickly looking back at the fireworks.

Then, that happiness began to fade. As he looked at her he would see that smile slowly fall from her lips, her eyes following it downward as if both had been dragged down by a weight… and in a sense they had been. Though she had collected herself well enough before leaving the house, the sight and sound of the fireworks simply brought with them other memories. She made herself lift her eyes again and this time, the colors bloomed with more vibrancy now that tears filled them. He would be able to see the way she grit and ground her teeth together and settled into a slow, methodical breathing; her hand away from his body curled into a tight fist and she dug her fingers as hard as she could into her palm. Inflict pain to soothe pain.

Unfortunately, it didn’t work quickly enough. Automatically she took two steps forward away from Andrei. There was a complicated flash of negative emotion on her breathtaking face he could have seen for just the barest of instants before she stepped out of his immediate view. A few tears slid from those usually expressionless eyes and rolled down her cheeks slowly; anger and shame mixed with sadness, the wetness of the tears on her cheeks were joined by the wetness of blood on her fingertips and under her nails. No more tears came, but the damage had already been done.

In the strictest sense, Andrei didn’t give a damn about the feelings of others. Despite how hard she was clearly working to stop them, he had almost no reaction to the tears. They were close, and the result was he started to worry that made him a bad person, in a way. Shouldn’t he rush over to her and do something? Is that even what she wants? This was very confusing.

He reached his arm over again and put a hand on her waist, spinning with his back to the fireworks to face her. He didn’t allow her the escape, and this was confirmed by his other hand grabbing her as well. He lifted her into his strong arms, cradling her like a child as long as she showed no resistance, but said nothing. He had no idea what to say.

At first, Lyra’s body did tense as he lifted her which wasn’t really that unusual for a person who wasn’t expecting it and certainly not for someone in her line of work. However, she didn’t struggle or fight against the motion and once she was actually settled in the hold, she even mostly relaxed. Most any other man might have struggled to lift her in this way simply because of her height, but such things weren’t a problem for her lover. She seemed almost unsure of how to react to what he had done at first, but eventually she leaned softly into his chest while watching the fireworks over his shoulder until he turned to face them himself again.

Suddenly, a little smile appeared on her face again. It was a bit devious and very much her. “You know… I think in the past I threatened you with some bodily harm if you picked me up like this… stabbing you in the eyeball?”

She chuckled softly and nuzzled into his shoulder, obviously content to be right where she was. “I love you, Andrei. Thank you.”

Andrei smiled as he stepped slowly into the water, allowing the water to rise upon them and to cradle both of them together. It was warm and comfortable.

“I think the ship has sailed on putting out my eye, Love.” He said, and leaned over to kiss her. His lips found hers, slow and soft.

“I love your eyes, darling. In all of their forms.” She assured him after they broke their kiss and then leaned in to kiss him again. They did not speak their love often to each other and when they did, it was rarely a sentiment returned in the same manner by the other. It would likely seem strange from an outside perspective, but that was simply how they were.

As the gently breaking waves moved them in the water, she reached out and placed her slightly injured hand into it. It stung immediately, but she barely reacted and instead watched the plankton light up around her fingers. She wasn’t worried about the dress, it could be cleaned or easily replaced.

“I feel a little… lost.”

“Where are you trying to go?” He asked, immediately, his eyes on hers.

Lyra wasn’t looking at him, instead she was still looking out to the beautiful fireworks display as it continued above. “It isn’t so much I’m trying to go anywhere I just feel…” she hesitated, trying to come up with the right word, “untethered? Like I’m drifting out to sea. I have no one here but you, and when we get home I don’t know who I will have there.”

“A person who knows where he wants to go knows what to do next.” He said, looking at her. “Are you lonely, or..is this not enough for you? Us, I mean.”

“No it isn’t like that it’s-“ She stopped, a shadow of frustration crossing her beautiful face but it was clearly internalized and not directed at him. “I’m not lonely, darling, but there are certain things in life that a person’s family - especially a woman’s family - would be there for her.” Frowning, she glanced down to the glowing water.

“For example, I’ll never be able to introduce you to my papai. I’ve known that for many years of course in reality, but it never really crossed my mind until now and it is one of many things that are making me feel… adrift.”

“I can see how that would make you sad. People ground us to our past, and his absence means there’s a part of you that’s gone too, in a way.” He said, still holding her in the water. “But you aren’t adrift. I’m carrying you. And if you want more people…find someone right and open up a little bit to them.”

Lyra frowned slightly. She thought that had been exactly what she was doing, but with him instead of some random person. Perhaps she just wasn’t capable of it, or perhaps it was his subtle way of telling her that she was giving him too much. The apology was on the tip of her tongue but she didn’t speak it and instead lifted her eyes back to the sky as the finale of the fireworks display thundered in the sky above them.

He could tell she didn’t care for his response, but he really didn’t have enough information to figure out why. She’d fallen silent. From his perspective, he had responded to her troubles. Had he been dismissive, or was this just Lyra doing that thing he knew women did where they wanted to talk about their troubles but didn’t want solutions? He had never bent to that and he knew he wasn’t going to.

When the last of the fireworks finally faded and gave way to the clear sky again, Lyra finally smiled. Her hand found Andrei’s cheek and she turned his head to look into his eyes. “That was beautiful, darling. I loved it.”

“You’re beautiful.” He said with a smile. He seemed to stand a bit taller in the water following her praise of this experience. “Now, let’s get you out of this wet dress and in front of a fire.”

“Are you going to carry me all the way there?” She asked, mildly teasing but also mildly curious.

“What do you think?” He asked, and turned to slowly start walking out of the water. The extra water collecting on her dress made her heavier than normal, it was nothing he couldn’t handle. “You can’t drift off tonight.”

“I’d never drift from you, beloved.” She kissed him again as he moved out of the water while also reaching down to gather the skirt of her dress and pool as much of the fabric as she reasonably could against her legs and abdomen to center the weight he was carrying a bit better. She wasn’t afraid he would drop her or anything of the like, but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t make his life easier for him with the simple gesture. Her lips found his neck as he walked and she began to kiss and gently nip at his skin. Despite all the conflicting feelings it had brought up, she truly was grateful for his efforts.

Andrei smiled as he carried her up the sloping sand and away from the gorgeous water. The evening and its dark fires looked, smelled, and sounded perfectly of Terra as he brought her down the path toward her home.

END